I don’t want to be spoilt; I just want to see you making an effort

I want a guy who doesn’t keep a check on the amount of effort he’s placing in our relationship. A guy who isn’t making a mental scorecard of all the things he has ever done for me. A guy who doesn’t treat the kind gestures he does for me like a burden on his head.

I like to consider myself a low maintenance girl, the girl who’s ready to give everyone her space, the girl who doesn’t want another person to dedicate every second of their life to her, and the girl who truly understands all your other commitments in life. But I still have some expectations when I’m in love. These expectations might seem high to some, but they’re not at all unrealistic. And they’re not at all unreasonable.

I don’t want to be the ONLY person in your life. I want you to have siblings that you’re really close to and cousins you like visiting over the weekend. I want you to have friends you can spend your Saturdays with when I’m busy with my work. I want you to have work buddies you can actually relate to so your lunch breaks are never boring. I want you to have people in your life that are close to your heart, people who can make you smile, people who you love to hang out with. But I never want to be treated like a second choice. Someone you remember to call when everyone else in your life gets busy. Someone you will only text when you’re completely bored out of your mind. Someone you ignore in the good times but fall back on when things start to get tough. I expect you to treat me like a priority, and not just an option.

But becoming your top priority doesn’t imply that I want you to make me the center of your universe, or to give me your complete attention at all times no matter what. I don’t want you to keep texting me from the minute your alarm rings in the morning till the minute you dive into your pillow at night. I don’t want you to call me after every hour just to check how I’m doing. I don’t want you to keep declaring your love for me in public and in private. I don’t want you to surprise me with expensive gifts every now and then. But I do want to see you being affectionate towards me. I want you to take some time out from your busy schedule to come and meet me at least once a week. I want you to plan dates at places you think I would like. I want you to ask me how my day was and then tell me all about yours. I want you to show that you genuinely care about me.

And caring about me constitutes of more than just words, it includes your actions as well. I don’t want you to buy me the most expensive ring or plan a trip to a foreign land for my birthday. I don’t want you to take me to the fanciest restaurant to celebrate our anniversary and take care of the entire bill. I don’t want you to waste the money you worked so hard to earn on a single night of fun or a gift that’s just going to end up in my cupboard. But I do want you to remember the important dates of our relationship. I want you to get me a card and fill it with all the memories we’ve shared. I want you to make me something on your own, something that signifies the beauty of our relationship. I want you to make me feel that I genuinely matter to you.

I don’t want to be spoilt. I don’t want to be placed on some kind of pedestal and get treated like I’m a queen. I don’t want you to consider every wish I have as your command. I don’t want to be given the upper hand in this relationship at all times. But I do want you to keep showing me respect. I want you to keep trusting me. I want you to place the same amount of effort as I do. And I want us to live together as equals in this relationship.

Here’s the thing- I don’t want you to keep doing nice things for me because I asked you to. Or because you’re scared I might leave if you don’t do them. I want you to do nice things for me because you truly love me and want to see me smiling. Because the concept of not doing them never even crossed your mind.

I want a guy who doesn’t keep a check on the amount of effort he’s placing in our relationship. A guy who isn’t making a mental scorecard of all the things he has ever done for me. A guy who doesn’t treat the kind gestures he does for me like a burden on his head. Picking me up from my friend’s house isn’t a hindrance in his plans. Meeting my parents for dinner doesn’t feel annoying. Taking out time to meet me doesn’t cause him any trouble. These are all things that he wants to do instead of things that he’s being forced into.

I hope you understand that the things I’m asking for aren’t very huge. I’m not really asking for a lot. When I’m in a relationship, I don’t want to be spoilt. But I do want to see you making an effort.